Tag Archives for postaday2011

Life Planning and Pop Tarts.

It’s 8:37 in the morning and I am awake. I generally do not wake up for work until around 10 or 11. I’ve been up since 6:02. This sickness is going to end up killing me. Or I will end up killing everyone at work today when I spread my virus of doom. I’m out of sick days. There is no option.

I made a decision on Thursday that I was going to use November to write every day. It’s been quite awhile since the last time I did this and it also happens to correspond with NaNoWriMo, which I think has the most obnoxious name of anything. I’ve also decided that I won’t use my daily blog post to whine or say, “Hey, look at this picture of Misha Collins. I’m going to bed.”

I started reading Jenny Blake’s book, “Life After College” the Saturday night when I was awake for 30 hours because Prednisone does not let me sleep. I now have about half of a composition notebook filled with how I’m going to get my life together career-wise and financially. I also have half of a composition notebook filled. Did I mention that? Whoever fills up half of a composition notebook? Maybe I’m the only one who writes on like five pages and then buys a new one. I don’t know.

Today also starts the official diet day for me and one of my coworkers. It’s my last day of being on the ‘sone, so hopefully I can stop shoving my face full poptarts and other crap constantly. At least I don’t look like I have two softballs in my neck anymore, I guess. I can’t workout right now. I’m not allowed for a few weeks until my spleen isn’t so swollen. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but it’s going to happen. Especially after seeing pictures of me in my Halloween costume. Dear God.

So, here we go. Day 1. See you tomorrow.

Here's a picture of Jared Padalecki. I'm going to bed.

Fat girl in a swimsuit.

Except I'm blonde and my suit is green.

That’s gonna be me real soon here. Our pool is finally in. They got the steps and ladder up while I was at work. I’ve got a pretty little bathing suit and I really don’t care how big I am in it.

I’ve wanted a pool since I was 5. Sucks that it has to be 20 years later when I’m a total loser still living at home, but I’m not one to complain.

I think we may have a slight problem, though.

According to my sister, who weighs about 90 pounds less than me, the ladder is fucked. Meaning it feels like it’s buckling under her weight. She said she felt like she had to jump in the pool then take a nice flight back to the ground from near the top of the ladder.

Either she’s exaggerating (My sister? Exaggerate? That’s not in our blood!) or I’m in for a proper ass bruise when I hit dirt getting out of it tomorrow.

True story: One of my biggest fears is crushing something because of my weight.  When I was 4 or so, my mom hosted a jewelry party (or make up party or kitchen apparatus party) and there was a rather large woman out on our deck, sitting on a wooden bench (maybe it was a picnic table? I forget.) My poor little black kitten was under the picnic table.

CRACKCRACKBOOM!

The lady was on top of the kitten.

The kitten was full of anxiety and white fur until her dying day.

I didn’t have a bit of fat on me at that point and I was scared of crushing things.

So, yeah, there’s a story.

I’ve very obviously been absent from blogging. I’m still trying to get my shit together, still captioning shows, still addicted to cheese sticks. I’m trying to lay off the typing so much when I’m not at work because my hands KILL me. Like, I seriously had to go to the bathroom and run them under cold water for a couple minutes today. I don’t know if it’s my keyboard or what it is, but damn.

Anyway, here’s from my draft file of quotes.  If you’re reading this via a feed reader or a subscription, you probably got a peek at part of my quotes page because I accidentally published it like a week ago. Oh well.

This completely sums up how I feel right now.

“Apologies should be saved for worthy occasions, like hurting someone’s feelings or using your roommate’s toothbrush on accident—not for existing. Life is too short. You can hate your body for all kinds of reasons; it’s a battle and a choice, to accept and embrace, or reject and hate. I know it’s more complicated than that, but to simplify things that’s how I feel, and right now I’m having fun!” — Beth Ditto

Diabetes and me.

That's my sister with the face like the kid from Mask. We took pictures for about an hour the other day. We don't need friends.

I’m sitting here at 12:21 a.m. because my dog is having a complete nervous meltdown on my bed over the storm outside. I have never seen a dog shake like this before. I’m kind of scared she may give herself a heart attack. As we know, my hypochondria extends to every aspect of my life. I’m going to write a book about my OMG IM SICK WITH EVERYTHING-ness called “This Will Be The Day That I Die.” Just as soon as I do 50 days of working out.

So, never.

This past week, I’ve been more and more convinced that I have diabetes. I went out with my parents on Saturday. I ate chocolate cake and then proceeded to go Mothers’ Day shopping while they went to pick up our dog from the groomers. While I was at my first stop, I nearly fainted (meaning I was slightly lightheaded.)

By the time I got out of my second stop and back to the car, I decided it would be a good thing to Google “High Blood Sugar Symptoms” and, of course, I fit all of them. My next course of action was to sit in the car and try to catch my breath, take my pulse, and all that, followed by another Google search for “How to lower blood sugar quickly.” My first result said to either jog really quick or drink a ton of water or unsweetened tea as soon as possible.

I was right next to Starbucks, so I ordered my usual Venti-Unsweetened-No-Water-Green-Tea-With-Light-Ice.

Bastards put classic syrup in it.

I scurried on home before I went into diabetic shock or a coma or whatever happens to you. I even pulled over once because I thought I was going to pass out.

When I finally got home, I asked my grandma if I she could check my blood sugar for me since my pap has diabetes and has a fancy gadget for that. (This is probably going to end up being my new I NEED TO CHECK MY BLOOD PRESSURE STAT!!!!)

After stomping my feet and freaking out over having to poke myself with a sharp object, I did it. I checked my blood sugar and had the most terrifying result ever.

It was well within the high-normal range, even after eating.

I’m fucking crazy, I swear.

I had been giving myself a panic attack all day about it. I’ve pretty much done it every time I’ve eaten anything sweet since then. I’m a lunatic and I should probably be committed somewhere.

In other news, I’m currently reading a book about a fat girl who had gastric-bypass. It’s making me lean more and more towards the Lap-Band.  Which I probably won’t do because I’d feel like a big cheat and all that.

My plan was to go to bed an hour and a half ago so I could wake up and walk before work. We’re for reals about to have a week of no rain (during the day, at least). We so excited.

Also, my baby sister is buying us a pool. She has zero debt and wants to build up her credit without getting a credit card, so she’s getting a small-ish loan (smaller than any of my student loans, fer sher) from the credit union where she’s been saving her money since she was like two, buying us a pool, and building up her credit all at the same time. A very nice pool, at that. I’m never ever moving away from home.

Okay. I think I need to sleep now. I should probably start blogging more often just because I need somewhere to get my feelings (I don’t even go here) out.

I’m also considering a switch from WordPress to Blogspot in the future. We’ll see.

Goodnight, non-spambot readers.

Burnt out.

The best marriage I'll ever have.

One week down of the 50 Day Challenge and I think I may officially be burnt out.

I did lose 4 pounds last week. That’s good, right? I stepped on the scale ten times Saturday to be certain because my scale is the only thing more indecisive than me on the whole planet. It verified my 4 pound loss every time. Yesterday? It said I gained three back. Yeah, whatever.

I bought another Bob Harper Inside Out Method dvd last night. Cardio, to be exact. I’ve fallen in love with the long-form workouts on both Yoga and Strength and I was hoping this one would be just as good. Yeah, uh… the first fifteen minutes is deadlifts and swings. I quit halfway through them. My back was killing me. I woke up this morning and could barely walk because my back was so sore.

I decided to do the short-form butt and balance workout tonight. It’s 25 minutes. I thought I could handle it. Guess what the second move is? Deadlifts. Fuck you, Bob.

I then moved on to Zumba 20-Minute Express to tag on to the 10 minutes I endured before I realized Bob was out to get me. I can’t look at Beto. I can’t. I feel like he wants to touch me inappropriately. So I did 5 minutes of that for a whole 15 minutes tonight. Better than nothing, right?

I had a mini-binge when I got home from work tonight. Today is the 2nd anniversary of the worst day of my life, and it starts the Holy Week of Sadness and Memories (her birthday is Thursday.)

It seemed like last year was much less emotional. I don’t know what it is about this year, but I feel like it’s been building up for weeks. I cry almost every time I get in the car. My mom decided to take the highway last night and I had a full-blown panic attack and started crying whenever she got closer than four-one-thousands to the car in front of us. I mean, seriously. What is up with that? It’s ridiculous and silly and I hate feeling like this. I’m still waiting for someone to let us all in on this epic practical joke she’s playing.

On top of all of that, I’m so conflicted and sad and disappointed in people regarding Osama’s death. It is never okay to celebrate someone’s death. Ever. Especially as a Christian.  Apparently, “Love your enemy” is just something youth pastors tell their youth group kids when they’re getting picked on in school. It doesn’t apply to a real enemy. Ugh.

So. There’s all that. I’m an emotional mess, but at least I’ve worked out (or at least tried really hard to) every day for a week, right? Do I have an eating disorder yet? Oh my god.

I leave you with the following:

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

Truth. My hair is Little Mermaid Red right now. Maybe I'll take a picture when i'm not a Sweatosaurus.

Day 1 of 50 days of working out. You’d think a card-carrying English major (I guess I’m really a degree-carrying one now?) could come up with a more creative title, but that’ll work for now.

My very first workout was 40 minutes of Richard Simmons’ Sweatin’ To The Oldies Numero Uno.

I can’t describe how much I love this man. I think he’s one of the most beautiful people alive. Seriously. I’ve emailed him a few times when I’ve been really frustrated about all of this. He responds. He’s lovely. I want to go to L.A. to go to Slimmons one day. It’s one of my bigger goals at the moment.

I like to dress up as the people on the video when I work out to it. Today, I was the skinny woman in the orange (Brenda?) If you’re unfamiliar, she’s basically wearing orange Hammer pants and an orange crop top. Maybe I’ll tuck my shirt up and leave my belly out every day. It needs breathe!

My goal for tomorrow is to wake up early and walk before work, but (a) it’s raining every single day until the world ends and (b) yeah, right, like I’m really gonna wake up.

I tracked all of my food today for the first time in I don’t know how long. I still hate the idea of becoming OCD over food. But I did it. And I think I ate like 3 calories more than I was supposed to. It’s okay. It’s still Easter until Pentecost. Three calories aren’t going to do much and the chocolate was worth it.

I’m just gonna sit here and peel off my nailpolish and think about what I’m going to eat for lunch tomorrow.

The Flash Diet (or my aversion to real plates)

Yesterday's lunch: Panera Chicken Caesar Salad, Iced Green Tea. And carbs.

Hey, look. I didn’t have a heart attack at 25. I’m totally not dead. Just busy.

I picked up (well, downloaded. Thanks, 21st century) Timothy Ferriss’ 4 Hour Body book yesterday. I read the sample beginning chapter and thought it sounded interesting, so I used my B&N giftcard from Christmas to buy it on my iPad. I wish I wouldn’t have, honestly. But that’s another story. I’ll probably write an in-depth review of it at some point.

One thing I did take from it, though, was the idea of The Flash Diet. He really just mentions it in passing in regards to tracking your food. I hate tracking my food. I really do. It’s so tedious and I can’t see myself doing it forever (which is also one of my complaints about Ferriss’ methods.) The Flash Diet, though, isn’t really a diet. It’s just a different way of tracking your food.

Basics? Take a picture of your meals. The end. I set up a new Flickr account (hey, dirt-ay. Click me.) and started taking pictures of each of my meals, snacks, and even coffee breaks. For as much as it cost, my camera phone sucks. Oh well. Carrying around my monster of a Canon is entirely unpractical.

What have I learned in two and a half days of doing this?

Well.

I don’t like to use metal silverware (I think I only did for two meals – one was in a restaurant) and I hate “real” plates.

True story.

I can’t eat off of metal forks when I’m at home. I’ve been like this since college. The taste of metal makes me want to gag. Not to mention the accidental scrape of a fork off of a plate is probably the worst sound ever made (next to a metal fork scraping teeth oh my god)

I’ve also learned that I rarely eat everything put on my plate. Minus my awesome blueberry scone, I don’t think I finished any of the actual meals (not snacks/coffee) I took pictures of.

This morning, I made sausage, toast, and eggs for breakfast. Why I did this, I have no idea. I’m currently home from work because I’ve been throwing up all morning. I only managed to eat a quarter of it before getting sick again.

It also makes me way more conscious of what I’m putting on my plate because I know that I have to put it out in the public. It’s one thing to write down “I had eggs, toast, and bacon” and it’s another to see the monstrous pile of gross I actually made.

So. Yeah. I’m a fan of The Flash Diet. If you normally write down all of your food, try taking a picture instead for a few days.

Fat girl goes to the gym.

WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THIS

Yep. That was me today.

I finally got to the gym. I was supposed to go Wednesday, but my neck decided not to work for a few days. They even let me restart my free week since I couldn’t get there. Good people.

I thought I was going to be really intimidated. I had actually talked myself out of going earlier in the day. (I also took precisely 75 minutes to get to work when it normally takes me 20. I hate snow. I spent all 75 of those minutes figuring out how to move back south. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.) Truth be told, I only went because I was so freezing after running my cash box back to the office after my shift was over.

The girls at the reception desk were beyond friendly. One even gave me a tour since I didn’t get one when I signed up. I was really impressed.

I did the treadmill at 3.5 (When I first started working out, I couldn’t get past 1.5 without feeling like death. True story) for 15 minutes, twice. Between those, I did the elliptical for 15 minutes, this stepper thing of doom for 20 minutes, and half of the weight circuit.

I spent 85% of the weight circuit laughing at myself. I think I drew attention. All the old people there loved me. They’re right to do so. I’m quite lovable.

After that, I sat in my car with the windows down – getting snow in the face – for like 10 minutes and entered all of my workout to figure out how much I burned. I burned twice as much as I had ate today (Yogurt + Kashi), which is probably why I was a bit dizzy feeling when I was sitting in the car. Nothing too bad, honestly. I should probably rethink not-eating before I work out next time.

Anyway. Not once did I feel out of place or anything like I thought I would. It was a good day.

I’m excited for tomorrow. If it’s open. I’m excited for Monday at the least.

Also: Weigh in: 288. Down 3 pounds for the first week of the year. Not bad at all.

I’m using MyFitnessPalexclusively now. You should be my friend there. Sorry, SparkPeople.

First time for everything.

True story.

Today was my aunt’s (grandma’s sister in law. I guess that’s aunt, right?) 75th birthday.

They had a huge party for her tonight. I just got back from there. I haven’t eaten that much in my entire life. During the party, I did two things that I have never done before.

What were they?

I ate red pepper.

And I ate chicken over biscuit.

I think I have two new favorite foods.

Anyway.

The big family diet starts tomorrow. We were joking today that our Xmas card for next year is going to be a picture of us holding up the jeans we wore this year. The idea is that we’d be skinnier, but there’s always a chance we’ll be holding them because they’re too small to put on.

I started using MeYou Health’s challenge thinger. You should be my friend. We will conquer the world together.

I also have to go back to the dentist tomorrow morning before work. Not only is my filling too long, but I’m still having a lot of pain in my teeth. Well, in the space behind my last tooth on the left top. It feels like a headache in my gum. I don’t think it’s a wisdom tooth coming in. I hope it’s not. I’ve been told all my life that I don’t have wisdom teeth. I’m thinking maybe it’s something to do with my sinuses. Hopefully they can figure out because big girl’s had enough.

I spent twenty minutes coming up with 50 blog topics last night. Tomorrow starts writing posts that are actually about something instead of just whatever comes to mind. See you then.

Xoxo,
Gossip Girl Sierra Ann

Back to real life. (Unofficial weigh-in)

So. The parties are done. The resolutions are made. It’s back to real life for another 365 days. I’m kind of sad about it. Normally, I’m not one of those people who love the holidays. I don’t know why this year was different.

I bought a scale on Friday, as promised. I weighed in this morning. Actually, all of my family weighed in within the past 24 hours. We’re all a bit depressed. Except my 8 year old cousin. She weighs 47lbs.

Me? I weigh 291. Or 290 after I shaved my legs. Your choice. I’m going to measure from 291 for the rest of the year. Part of my health resolution is to weigh less December 31 of this year than I did yesterday.  I think I can handle it.

I’ve decided I’m going to run a 5k this year. Possibly in October. I think that’s a good time. Not too hot, not too cold. Unless it’s one of those years like when we had to wear snow suits over our costumes on Halloween. Those were the worst. I’m going to start walking again s soon as it warms up. It’s been in the 50s the past two days, but it’s heading back to the 30s. Sad.

One of the main reasons I want to lose weight is so when I paint my toenails, it doesn’t look like I had a seizure.

Okay, blog. I’m going to drink my tea before it gets cold. xoxo.

11 in ’11: The New Years Resolution Post

<3 natalie dee.

I spent most of my work day coming up with my 11 resolutions. Here they are.

1. Write in cursive. Okay, I keep saying this as a joke, but I’m getting serious about it. I love cursive writing. It’s becoming a lost art form and I refuse to lose it. I even had one of my fabulous coworkers remind me how to do all of my capital letters in preparation for this. I’m excited.

2. Begin freelancing – for real this time. I’ve been halfheartedly looking into doing freelance writing (articles, product copy, whatever) and ad design stuff since graduation. I’m going to get serious about it this year. If there is any possible way to make a living doing this, I’m going to find it.

3. Uncluttering my life. My room is a disaster. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of mess. I’m actually really nervous in a clean room. Last semester, one of my friends seriously forced me out of my dorm room and gave it a big cleaning. I was too nervous to sleep in it. I had to throw a couple of books in the middle of the floor before I could let myself go to bed. I cleaned it up in the morning, but still. Complete cleanliness scares me. But, at the same time, I’m a mess. This will be a year to organize, even if it’s in a disorganized way. (Shut up. This only has to make sense to me.)

4. Make healthy choices. I had like 40 resolutions but then I realized all but a few fell under this category. More fruit, less grease. More water, no soda. More walking, less napping. I want to do a 5k in the fall. I don’t even care about being thin. I just want to be healthy. And maybe weigh less on December 31st 2011 than I did December 31st 2010.

5. Start my book. I have this brilliant idea for a memoir type thing about getting out of the cult(s) I was a part of. I have this monster of a notepad file about it. I just need to get my thoughts together. I might start a blog series over on my religion-ish blog that I haven’t updated in a long time.

6. Observe a daily tea time. I was originally going to observe elevenses, but I’ve realized how hard that would be at work. Now I’m just going for a daily tea, whether in the morning, a proper elevenses, at lunch, or before bed.

7. Post a blog every day. It just so happens that WordPress is (indirectly) helping me with this by doing a daily blog challenge..thing. Tomorrow’s the official first day. You should join, too.

8. Read 60 books. I had a goal for 2010 to read 52 books. This year I read at least 60. I want to meet this goal again next year.

9. Figure out what to go to Grad School for. I’m wavering between English (to teach), Library Science (to be my favorite librarian all the time – Austina Jordan), or going to seminary for Bible (to be my favorite professor of all time – Dr. Tony Moon.)

10. Get out of debt. Or at least come close to it. I won’t be able to pay off my car or my student loans this year alone, but I can pay off my ridiculous credit card bill. I cut up the cards today. Step one is complete.

11. Find a job I love. This kind of ties in with the freelancing thing. I want to find a job that I love. I know, I know. This is such a first-world issue. Whatever. We are living in a material world and I am a material girl, damn it. I don’t want to loathe waking up every morning because I know I have to go sit in a box and make slightly more than minimum wage while being screamed at by rednecks all day.

There.

I’m done.

Do you have any resolutions or any tips for me on how to achieve some of these?